Jason's Daily Notes

Wow, another long time with no update. I realise that I need to record my life somehow because I have a hard time grasping "where I am" in the course of the year, etc. (and I just realized that I dwell way too much on the past and spend too much time trying to fully understand what has happened in my life). This year is no exception: it's already the second week of MAY?! I really am boggled. Especially seeing how much has changed (particularly with Mike, since he is now fully in a relationship with the girl that he was just texting on New Years). I am adjusting and struggling a bit personally to get by here in Germany. The fact that Mike has fallen out of my life is also a big factor. But for some reason now I can see that I was just being crazy and paranoid for the last 4 months. I was blinded to reality (that he was falling for a girl) and instead made it all about me. The reality is, he does care about me but not in the obsessive way that I thought of him. I am a bit unstable, and I am now acknowledging that (which should help me be able to control it). I did some bad things and I regret that. I also conveniently blocked out many inconvenient facts/events from my memory, which does not change the fact that they happened an have an effect on the people around me.