Jason's Daily Notes

I'm back in Düsseldorf - this past weekend was spent in London.

London was great, really. I stayed at Ludo's place. I only got to see him the first evening though, as he spent that night at a lady friends' and then was off to France to see family and run an ultra (120+ km) race through the alps! What?!

That night, I went to Walkabout Temple where I met Bernadet and her bf Thijs, and Asia and her bf Peter. Nice guys. We didn't stay too late; just a couple drinks. I checked out Heaven afterwards. Was alright.

Saturday, I met up with Cece and Abhi - we chilled in Hyde Park, sitting down and having some of her tea, talking about life and business - was nice. I then made my way across town and caught up with Sofia in Angel, in a nice pub along the river. She's got a new position as a PA and working her way up into TV production. In the evening, I was free; tried to meet up with some people online but it fell through. I walked through the city in the evening. Didn't go out.

Sunday = Brick Lane sunday. Met Lilly at Liverpool St - she's not very happy, just started studying computer science but was still too entitled to be employable in my opinion. Ziva soon came, with her friend Carli. We walked to Sunday Upmarket, which was not too crowded, and got our food (I chose Vietnamese this time). Luckily it was sunny out so we sat outside. There was Bernadet and Thijs. Shortly thereafter came some of her friends who joined. A friend whose name I forgot. K-man and his wife. We went to the playground. Along the way, we got some free beer (Fosters radler) and free Vitamin Water. Nice!

We then split up and Ziva, Carli, and I went to Notting Hill for the Carnival. The tube was packed, of course, and it was even more crowded at Notting Hill. There was plenty of music, djs, dubstep, reggae, people smoking weed, stands selling jerk chicken for £4-8. Lots of people were also inhaling balloons. Was an experience. We got out after an hour or two, completely beat and exhausted. At Holland Park station, we found free Ben & Jerry's, which they generously heaped onto us! Win. We then split up; I took the bus back to Wandsworth. But it was my last night in London so I wanted to go out. I had a date with Daniel. He is German, so we were speaking German the whole time :/ it was not captivating for me - he didn't drink and was more interested in his shopping and in eavesdropping on other people. We would have at least hooked up if we could have found a private place. So we said goodbye. Instead of going home, I walked around Covent Garden and Leicester Square for one last time. There, I indulged in some cheap fish and chips before walking back to Charing Cross to get my bus home.

Monday, I got up early, bought a couple things from Sainsburys (tea and crumpets and paracetemol), packed up, left a goodbye/thank you message for Ludo, and took the bus(es) to Liverpool Street. Luckily, I had some time to spare, because a tree had fallen on the tracks and cancelled all trains to Stansted! I had a burger at a pub, hoping for the problem to be resolved within an hour, but no luck. So I had to take a bus. It was raining a steady shower, so I waited in poor conditions before finally getting on the bus (it picked up people at Bethnal Green and Stratford, so it was completely packed on the way to the airport).

I got to the airport, with my boarding pass on my phone (first time!) and breezed through security. Had one last cuppa tea :) and made my flight. I continued reading Outliers, which is a really interesting book. Back in Düsseldorf, it was also raining as I biked from the airport home. So I cooked up some of the remaining food (spiced tofu strips with veggies, in a tomato sauce, over macaroni) and slept.

Tuesday - back to work. It was my first day working with Carolyn. I gave the intro to Display presentation. Mike left for Palma around 1pm. (I'm not really caring as much about him as I did before - weird. I guess I finally realize that he doesn't care about me as much as I cared about him, so there's no point in obsessing over him so much.) Didn't even have time to catch up with all the emails. I stayed at the office until 9pm. Nick returned from bouldering (I skipped it because I wasn't feeling healthy) and we left the office together. Watched an episode of Silicon Valley and Modern Family before sleeping.

Wednesday. More work - I got in late, around 10:45 (I'm just waking up later now). Another training session with Carolyn. More catching up. No lunch today. I got a döner on the way home; the guys there were friendly and chatty to me :)

I was browsing and chatting on Tinder and somehow picked up Steffen (V). He came over to my place, we watched some YouTube and he spent the night. :) Did it before bed and upon waking up. Was actually nice, even though he was cut, but is straighter acting which I like. He's also looking for a bf, so we'll see.

Now off to work - it's 10:15. I have gone 2 weeks without grocery shopping and I'm really almost out of food, haha. Tonight is a team event (minigolf and dinner in Cologne).

I left Düsseldorf Friday evening, finishing work shortly after 5pm and stopping by my flat before catching my rideshare at 7pm. The driver was Markus, who works in a bike supershop on the outskirts of Düsseldorf. Also in the car were Sylvia from Barcelona, who works at Henkel alongside Malin from Paris. And there was Jannina from Korschenbroich (Martin's neighbor). 

We were slow getting out of Düsseldorf because the navi wasn't working and we got on the wrong autobahn. We were relying on my phone to navigate, which drained the battery quickly. Finally we got the navi to work. Which involved cutting through Bochum. There were also some strong rainstorms along the way. I fell asleep, Markus drove along to his house/trance music (daft punk remixes) and by 11:30 we were in Hamburg. 

Matze picked me up from Dammtor and walked me to his flat nearby. His regular flatmates were away for the summer, so there are two temporary renters staying there: Mikhail who works as a show presenter, and Stefan who is doing a work placement. Matze is still studying his international program and working as the de facto program director. 

We drank, including shots of Pfefferlinge, then headed out to the Reeperbahn. Mikhail and his friends were all going to a one day metal/heavy rock festival the next day. We started with Mexikaner shots at Hamburger Berg, then Matze and I lost at kicker and bought Jägermeister. Finally we ended up at the 99 Cent bar near Herbertstraße. 

Returned drunkenly somehow to the flat at 4:30am-ish. Mikhail immediately passed out, while Matze and I smoked a bit before going to bed together. I was surprised by what happened.

It was around 2pm when we were awake and up again. Matze made pasta with red pesto because that is all he had. It was too late for Stefan to make it to the museum as he had wanted. So we just went into the city "for a coffee". We took a bus to Junfernstieg, walked around some posh areas, then went into a brew house and had some beer, which was good :). 

Stopped for a fischbrotchen in the Europa-Passage then took the U4 to the new Hafen City area. The uni building was still under construction, and we walked through a couple construction sites along the way. 

We walked, admiring the modern architecture. Decided on the way back to make burgers for dinner :). Walking back, Stefan saw a Cuban bar near home and got a strong craving for mojitos. We bought burger ingredients at Edeka and returned home to cook them. Was nice. I put avocados in the burgers. 

We chilled, finishing our food then having beers while watching Schlag den Star. Matze's friend Jan joined us and to smoke. We went to the Cuban bar, but they were just out of mint so couldn't make any more mojitos. So I had a daiquiri natural which was strong but the drinks all cost € 7.50. 

We got some beers from the kiosk and met Tina and Stephan (Matze's co-students) there. We all walked to the Sternschanze, buying beers in a pizza store and then making our way to the Grüne Jäger bar where we danced for some time. A group of more girls/classmates joined us. The music sucked, so we left after about an hour there. We walked to Hamburger Berg and  continued the evening. In one bar, they were playing Blink-182 and Oasis, and there we had some Mexikaners and ran into Nicky McC from work! What a small world, and I always run into people here! :)

Continued at Sommerstudio or whatever. It was packed. It was 4am and people were going home. We had lost Stefan to KFC. We took the U-Bahn back, saying bye to the girls in the process, and walked home. Stefan was in the U-Bahn with us. Same as the night before, Matze and I smoked up and then went to bed together. 

Got up at 10:30 due to my alarm. Matze missed his 12pm appointment, so I said bye and found my Rideshare which was leaving from U-Mundsburg. There was a lot of traffic on the ride back, and I was too tired to make conversation with either Reike (the driver who is a teacher) or Asaf (?). We were delayed over an hour due to the traffic backup. 

It's exactly 11 years since I got my driver license.

My life is work.

Robin Williams died two days ago. It's really a big deal, since he committed suicide. Everyone back home seems to be shocked and hit hard by the news. And it seems like people are talking about depression more openly, which is cool.

I have been thinking about home a lot lately. I want to make another business trip there. I can't wait for Christmas. I am thinking about what kind of job I can take back in L.A., and how much I would get paid, etc.

I feel myself reverting to the introverted, shy guy that I used to be before I became all outgoing and international. It makes me sad.

Played beach volleyball last night. Mike was at a team event so he didn't come.

On Tuesday, I didn't go to squash. Because I was expecting our publisher (IM) who was visiting to take me out to dinner. But no, "I'm here with my boyfriend; where do you recommend we go?"

Yesterday we drew the rooms for the company trip. And be "we" I mean Toby. I am doing nothing for it. I feel like an appendage that it just dangling on to Mike's group. Sigh.

Friday night (August 8th) - I went home after work. I had emailed Carolyn to come to the office and meet people. It was raining so I didn't make it myself. I felt kind of bad.

Saturday - I rested. Cleaned up a bit, as I was expecting a spontaneous date, but no. Around 3:30pm I biked to Real by myself. Mike was just waking up. I wanted to spend the day with him, but I am also being respectful of his distance.

It was the beer pong party. I was worried that I would be a bit late, but it was all cool at the end. I took the train to Cologne, buying a 23 € day pass (thinking I would return that evening). Grabbed the U-Bahn 16 and was soon there. When I got off at the stop, I saw Sarah and Galen who were also on the way to the party! Cool beans.

We found the house (easy to find with the noise emanating onto the street). We were on a terrace/rooftop behind the building; directly adjacent was a hotel restaurant/bar with its patrons looking over jealously at our beer pong setup, compete with authentic red solo cups! I joined one of the teams already (A+ B- J) - Sarah and Perri had just played one game and lost. I had to drink all the beer for them, because Perri wasn't drinking beer :P

The night went on; it was fun. Around 11pm we switched to playing flipcup inside the apartment. Most of the other Americans went home at this point. I stayed. Brogie and Nico said that we (Patrick, Phil, and I) could stay at their place for the night, so we were good to party.

I sort of came out to Phil. He had just asked me, and I just straight up admitted my confusing status quo. Was ok.

We went out to a place on Züplicher; I had forgotten my wallet so Brogie was my sugar mama for the evening. We then went to another club where Brogie's friend was working there. It was a big dance floor downstairs. Cool place. Phil was necking with some girl and chatting up her sister. We kept doing shots of Jäger.

Stumbled back to the apartment, nabbing a döner along the way. Was heavy. Passed out.

With the windows closed, it was hot and we were sweaty when we woke up. Pat, Phil, and I stumbled out around 11am, letting Brogie and Nico sleep.

Hangover day. Ugh. Watched 22 Jump street. Tried to secure another date, but that didn't work. I smoked a little j, finished eating the beef with broccoli that I had made, watched some Bill Maher, and then went to bed and finally got some quality sleep.

I just woke up - 8:55am. Dreamed that I was back in California, Orange County/Playa Vista/Manhattan Beach specifically, just to set up a new trivago office there. It looked exactly like the Sky Office in layout. My new Canadian girl Carolyn was to start, but I couldn't find her. Gaby Gunther visited and I confused her for Carolyn. We were supposed to sign her notebook (?). I was running around stressed with work and Brian was also bugging me to hang out.

My dreams are not interesting. They are just a mashup of things going on in my life. But I used to have interesting dreams. Is this because my life/mind is no longer interesting? WTF.

Jogged around Zoopark. Did some more exercises (really trying to get my core/abs in shape) at home, and then I did some grooming (hair on head and on body) before showering.

I really need to stop fixating on everything I don't have. Specifically, I need to let go of the fact that I want everything that Mike has (or that Mike gets what I want before I know I want it).

I am sore. And tired. After playing squash for the first time on Tuesday night, and beach volleyball for the first time this year yesterday night, and then going out for a heavy dinner and drinks last night....

Last night was crazy. One of our publishers was visiting from London (with her colleague from Boston), so we had the obligatory evening out for drinks. There also happened to be the spokesperson for our company ("Mr trivago") who was out drinking with some of our management, and well, let me say that things were messy. It was a spectacle, and fun to see. I left before it got too late.

There was also the new people's team event there, and I saw Jayda and Sam (the two newbies).

Today, I woke up at 8:30 and was too tired/sore to go for a morning jog.

Off to work. Another busy day. Too much. Calls, setting up tests, etc.

My resolution is to leave before 6pm everyday, and today I made it out at 5:58. Plan was to have dinner with Mike.

But Mike texted me - "Bea and I want to have a beer". He knows that I have been planning all week to spend the evening with him, and I have asked him if he wants a beer, and he says no. And then when Bea asks, he says yes? WTF. I can tell that he no longer wants to hang out with me; he only is guilted into hanging with me.

Anyway, he's on his way here now. I cooked schnitzel and frozen veggies. I should keep my mouth shut and not erupt into emotion as I was prone to do.

I woke up mid-dream (dreaming that I was with friends and trivago people in some sort of education system, in between a high school and a summer camp). I decided not to go for my morning run; instead, I had a cup of instant coffee and spent and hour tagging people in the big Sicily Facebook photo album, and posting that album.

Got to work around 9:30. Was busy, non-stop, keeping up with campaigns. 

For lunch we had a welcome BBQ in the park for the 3 new display teammates (Sara, Saff, and Fani) and for the two new Americans (Sam and Jayda the Canadian). I was frantically trying to find them before lunch; they were just in a meeting that went long. The BBQ itself was nice; it was warm and sunny, and we'd have enough blankets after all. 

The rest of the afternoon was stressful. I was trying to take care of everything myself, which I simply did not have time to do. Had my call with Gerald. And before I knew it, it was already time to leave for Squash. 

Mike and Anna biked faster than me. I could tell that they were very flirty with each other. It was a 30 minute bike ride to Cosmo Sports; we got changed and waited for Dirk to arrive in his car with the girls (Julia, whom I met, and Tina) and Phil. 

Mike taught me the rules as he was warming up the ball. I played with the girls and with Dirk, who was the only challenge I had. It was good. 

We finished, showered with Mike and Dirk, and biked back with Mike and Anna. They were quiet and tired on the way back, but I was energetic and floating on post-workout endorphins. Mike did not want me to come over to his place, again. "Thursday," he said. 

Back home. I watched two episodes of Homeland (finished season 3; all caught up)! And had two pieces of bread. I did not have the willpower to fast.