Jason's Daily Notes

I was completely exhausted after work yesterday. I came home and just wanted to lay down. I found that Mike had bought and decorated a full Christmas tree.I brought my laptop home for the first time in 3 nights. I called home, since my flight was in 2 days! Uncle was decorating the Christmas tree. (And we had gotten a Christmas tree at work during the day too - what is up with Christmas trees today?!) I felt compelled to continue answering refund requests for work. What's wrong with me?! Mike cooked spaghetti carbonara. I had a little bit before going to bed around 10:30. I was asleep around 11, so not as early as I had hoped.

Work didn't have much going on. Simone came in late bc he had a morning meeting. Tom left early for a weekend in the countryside. We had pizzas for lunch. Simone left early to fly to Italy. I checked in to my flight and got a window seat on the upper deck!

I was the dj for the office, playing Muse, Marianas Trench, and DJ Earworm to pump us up for the weekend.

Left the office at 4:30. Yes!

Waking up today was even harder. It's the 4th night in a row that I didn't get adequate sleep.

At work, we focused on preparing a Christmas email to our leads.

During my lunch break I went to the bank, in Bayswater. I got a chicken shawarma on my way back to the office.

I no longer feel safe and secure. I feel cold and alone. 25 is a difficult year. I'm growing, but now that I'm done with my masters degree I don't have anything to look forward to. No external goals, only what I want to do myself. It's scary, actually terrifying, but its freedom.

After getting home last night after 23:30, I wasn't well-rested when I woke up at 7. I did have some interesting dreams, though now I can't remember more than that my colleague Dennis was in them 😕

It's Jenn and Ray's birthday! Yay!

Surprisingly, I was productive at work today. I made lots of calls, and I didn't hesitate like I usually do before calling. I have to learn to spend less time hesitating/worrying before getting into potentially nervewracking situations. It's better to just jump into them.

My coworker Jas was not feeling well; after trying to nap during lunch, she told us that she was vomiting and was going home. I hope that it doesn't spread around the office :X

I had more turkey for lunch, sitting by myself in the office, even though Simone and Den urged me to grab lunch with them. I sat in on a meeting to discuss our company's app. It looks like we're having a hard time agreeing on what niche the app is actually targeting. I also chatted with Chris the Canadian and Leslie.

I did my best to wrap up work by 6 - I didn't fail that badly: I left at 18:10, but I forgot my scarf and gloves, so I went back for them. I've decided to just leave my laptop and bag at work when I have evening plans. Tonight's plan? Winter Wonderland!

I invited some people online. (I also tagged all my Dutch people in the post stuffdutchpeoplelike.com, which is so true!)

Looking forward to mulled wine tonight!

Waking up was difficult as usual; my body was tired from last night's ice skating. I did fall on my knees, after all.

Work is the same. Some excitement (especially since our Black Friday campaign seems to have worked well).

I often find myself thinking about what I want to do, and how I can break into the tech industry. Should I learn SEO? Social Media? Online marketing in general? I don't want to do it just because it's what's hot and trendy right now. I want to do it because it's a long-term investment in my future. I still want to launch my travel startup; I think the travel industry will be for me long-term. But to complement that, I will need to gain useful skills. Which brings me back to my thoughts: Learn SEO? Programming? Mobile apps? Anyway, at least now I'm gaining some useful business development skills. I just want to know/be able to do more and I want it now. I want to strike before the market opportunities go away or change. It's intimidating, honestly! What if my ideas are taken by someone else? Will I be able to think of great/innovative ideas in the future?

I guess I'm just at the age where I'm aware of my limits, cognitively. There are so many more things to learn than I will ever be able to. I have always thought I could know everything. And I still want to be able to know and do everything. But that just isn't feasible - I have to learn to let go of this mindset. (Also, I have to stop being jealous of people's success. It makes no sense for me to be jealous when someone gets a PhD if I don't want to get a PhD myself.)

At work, I went down to print out a document in colour - twice (so inefficient!). Lunch was more leftover turkey. There's a leak in the ceiling of the office. We have a bowl to collect the dripping water. It was raining on and off all day - so I stayed in the office all day!

In the evening, I went to watch The Master with my coworkers.

As one can imagine, it was hard to wake up in the morning. There was a heavy rainstorm overnight, but I slept soundly through it, and it had lightened up by 8am. I made it to work by 09:15 and got straight into it.

Since Ecehan is out for the week, I have to cover her contacts. There were a few promising sales calls, but nothing materialized just yet. I emailed Zenia, who l assurance that I could get the visa, as long as my employer is willing to pay the fees (which I am not sure that they are).

I messaged my LA friends; looks like there's an after-hours party on the 2nd. It sounds awesome and very cool but I doubt I can manage it with my jet lag! Also looking forward to a family Vegas trip to see Shania Twain and Ang's birthday celebration on the 8th.

I stayed at work until nearly 7pm, which almost made me late to meet Mile and Kayleen for ice skating. Luckily, taking the bus to Notting Hill Gate and the tube from there wasn't long. I grabbed a vegetable pasty at Liverpool Street and waited for maybe 10 minutes, making small chat with the girl working at the counter.

There were only 2 other people skating, so we essentially had the whole rink to ourselves. It was quiet, but I think we enjoyed nonetheless. I fell 1.5 times. It sprinkled a bit, but there was no downpour as had been forecasted. We returned home and went straight to bed; i was truly exhausted.

Having slept on the air mattress, I didn't feel sore as I normally do. I woke up, and it was around 9:30 - not as late as I thought (and I would have wanted to sleep longer). So I stayed in my room and was slow to get up. By the time I went down to make myself a cuppa, Mike had already left to meet his dad and stepmom at St. Paul's.

Demi made a surprise visit; I told him about my lightbulb issue. I fixed myself a plate of thanksgiving leftovers. I browsed online, looking for a reason to go out. Kayleen went out for a walk. Around 2pm I decided to go out myself, playing a little "bus roulette." I ended up going to Battersea, where I had never been before. At Vauxhall, there was a guy wearing the exact same coat as me. I took the 344 bus and walked around Battersea Park, which is spacious and really reminded me of Hyde Park. There's a lake, and several gardens, and the Peace Pagoda, which stands noticeably on the bank of the Thames.

The weather was chilly, but it was dry to begin with. Clouds were moving in from the west, and the forecast called for heavy rain later in the evening (flooding rains have been affecting western and southern England for the past week). I had my Herbalife bag with me, with a water bottle and umbrella just in case.

I walked across Chelsea Bridge and along the riverbank to Vauxhall Bridge, where I crossed again and continued north (hopping for 2 stops on the bus). Night was arriving quickly, and I was soon by the London Eye. There, I met Mike and his dad and stepmom. I texted him, asking where he was. He said they were in front of Giraffe (a restaurant). I looked to my right, and there was Giraffe. I was there too! I texted him back - "wait, I'm here too!" and within a few seconds he spotted me with a shout "J"! What a coincidence (and it's just like last week, when I happened to get off the tube right where Mike, Amy, and Alex were getting on). Small world, and I guess Mike and I have some sort of psychic connection.

We walked through the Christmas market, which was nice, and I was really tempted to get some Glühwein, but no one else was drinking so I decided against it. MIke and co were going to Ask Italia for dinner/pizza, while I went home. I tried to take the 159, but it was so full that the bus driver shut the doors on people trying to board. So I walked, on, all the way to the Imperial War Museum, where I caught a less-crowded 59 bus home. I watched 3 episodes of Game of Thrones and carved up the remaining meat from the turkey (there will be plenty of turkey leftovers to be had tomorrow!).

Mike returned but seemed more interested in watching The X Factor than hanging out. Understandable.

Today was the day I made a big Thanksgiving feast for a group of friends.

I woke up around 9:30, did a little blogging/email checking, and then spent most of the day preparing the meal. I began by rolling out the shortcrust and baking two pumpkin pies. Mike was up around 11 and, after making some breakfast (two leftover muffins), he helped me make the mashed potatoes.

At 2 I left to visit the rental house, run by two guys, Ben and Nic, where my mom and uncle will be staying. They were nice, and the ground floor flat is also very nice (and has a garden!). It was raining continuously all day. I then headd to Brixton to deposit cash into my bank account, but the bank was closed. So I picked up a few final things from Poundland and returned to the house. Mike had prepared the mashed potatoes beautifully and taken the pumpkin pies out of the oven.

I started to prepare the turkey, cutting up lots of onions. I put it in the oven around 4 (so that it should be done after 2 and a half hours - 6:30). I relaxed for a bit, but Mike soon had to leave to meet his dad and stepmom at 5. They were going to have a nice dinner at Le Mercury in Islington.

Tessa was the first guest to arrive, around 6pm. I still was cooking (gravy, stuffing, cranberry, etc) as she arrived. She helped me stir the gravy. I got a phone call from Ludo, saying that he was free and had nothing to do for a few hours, so I enthusiastically invited him to come over! He soon arrived with Amanda. Mel and Kayleen came down and were hanging out with us. It was around 7 when I got all the food out and tabled. It was great; I carved the turkey, and we all ate from paper plates and drank from red cups.

Fernanda arrived late; she had 7 flat viewings that day, but they seemed promising! Anyway, she joined us just as we were having pumpkin pie for dessert (after 2 helpings each of food). We then continued drinking and played the "celebrity head" game for a round. It was fun (I was Sponge Bob).

Everyone left by 10pm-ish. Fern, Mike, and I lay in his bed and took turns massaging each other; it was fun and honestly felt great! Mel and Kayleen were there too.

Fernanda was flying to Madrid from Heathrow in the morning, so she stayed over the night. I pumped up the air mattress, so she didn't sleep in Mike's room. I slept on the air mattress, which was very comfortable. I didn't hear her leave at 5:30am.

I didn't go to sleep until midnight. I woke up around 6:15, peed, and didn't really go back to bed. I had several dreams that all dealt in some way with departing - like traveling through an airport or moving to a new place (I had one that flashed me back to my flight to North Carolina from London). I finished the stuffing that I had made last night and got ready for work.

IT'S SWAG'S LAST DAY IN LONDON :( We were WhatsApp-ing him the whole way to the airport. Amanda was free, so she accompanied him to Heathrow. The songs of the day were "With a Little Help from My Friends," "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)," and "Praise You."

Work wasn't bad. I am getting the hang of processing refunds and am slowly learning to communicate better with my colleagues. I have a habit of witholding information, probably because I don't want to annoy people (or because I don't want them to know as much as me?! I have some very selfish/bad tendencies sometimes). But I'm learning to admit when I don't know something and to ask for help more humbly.

Anyway, I wrapped up the work week summarizing what I accomplished in my 3rd week. Sadly, it wasn't as much as the last week. But I ended the week (again) with some good news: My first payment for one of my sales came through! I finished my beer and left for home at 5:35pm (early for once)!

I caught the Overground to Euston (the first time I caught it). Fern texted me; she was also on her way home and hungry. So, we decided to meet at Mornington Crescent and have dinner. We grabbed Thai food at a place with a good Yelp rating. We ended up sitting and talking for maybe 2 hours, just catching up and helping each other out. She has almost the exact the same problems/struggles (visa, family, housing, work) that I have. We have no one else that we can talk to. But it wasn't all serious; we still had fun. I don't know why I was pushing her away. I just don't know how to handle my own emotions and how to get close to people. I've never really been close to anyone I guess... but that's another, deep, thought that I won't go into now.

We parted ways and I got back to Brixton, where the police had closed the road for what looked like an investigation, so there were no buses running, so I walked home. I wrapped up some emails (including booking a flat on Airbnb for my mom and uncle), and just relaxed in my room.

Mike arrived home, having had a nice dinner with his dad and stepmom who arrived during the day. He came up and joined me. We just lay on my bed, and then Kayleen and Mel joined. We ended up hanging out, chatting, listening to Christmas music, playing "MFK" and Never Have I Ever. I was embarrassed to not know what a pallet was. I brought up the leftover pumpkin pie, which was delicious. Mike decided to cover my entire face with whipped cream, which was hilarious (even though my mouth was full so I couldn't really laugh).